Why Piss Testing Sucks

The urinalysis industry is a pernicious parasite on this nation's prosperity.

Piss testers make big money when companies deploy their services. That sucks money out of companies that could be, you know, making things or providing services instead of asking people to piss in cups. Even worse, governments piss test too. It's one thing for a private corporation to piss away its money, but when the government does it, it's a slap in your taxpaying face. Keep reading to see why.

Just how much does piss testing cost the American economy every year? Don't even ask. Muchos billones in direct costs alone. The indirect costs are probably even greater; urinalysis screens out some very smart people. Ever wonder how the world got in the mess it's in? Wonder no more: Morons took control and shut the smart people out! It's just like middle school idiot goons messing with the geeks, except in this case the goons are running the government, not the gymnasium of John P. Suckass Jr. High School.

You want to know the stupidest and suckiest part? Piss testing only catches one drug, the most benign drug of all: marijuana. It's true. I have it on reliable evidence (much more reliable than piss test results) that some piss-tested employees take drugs on Friday and Saturday nights because they know that even on the off chance that they are tested on Monday morning, their systems will be clean. That's because most drugs flush out of one's system within 24 hours; we're talking about heroin, cocaine, LSD, MDMA -- you know, real drugs.

THC, the active ingredient in marijuana "stays in your system" for up to 30 days. (Actually, the drug does not stay in your system but the metabolites do. The drug itself, in fact, is indistinguishable from dozens of endogenous cannabinoid neurochemicals produced by the brain itself which is why they have to test for the metabolites. The nervous system even has special receptors for these compounds. How fucked up is it that they are testing for a "drug" that's there naturally!)

So Joe Blow the firefighter can go out and snort meth on Friday night, but he can't take a puff of God's good green herb.

What are they so afraid of? Why do they want to screen out pot heads? What if everything you've ever been told is wrong. What if pot actually makes you smarter and employers and governments don't want smart employees; they want suckups. Wouldn't that be a hoot! What if marijuana actually makes you healthier? What if the phramaceutical industry just doesn't want the competition? Ditto the alcohol industry and the river-toxifying, forest-destroying wood pulp industry and so many other industries.

What would you think about that?

All I know is that if anybody ever asks me to piss in a cup, I'll say, "Sure, but only if you're going to drink it!" That is exactly what I will say, and if you don't believe me, you don't know me.

FREE THE WEED AND THE REST WILL FOLLOW!