Fight Tips for Occupy, Round Two

Jay-Z's TeeOccupy Wall Street (and the rest of the world) has no bigger supporter than me, by which I mean that I am absolutely titanic, a bad-ass of the highest order. (Note to the irony-impaired: That's not literally what I mean.)

You criticize the ones you love the most because it really hurts to see them screw up. If I found out that my lover was a heroin addict, I'd try to get them into treatment immediately after my AIDS test.

Occupy, you're screwing up!

I heard some dumb kid say they were going to pitch tents all over New York City now that the scene at Zuccotti Park is dead. First of all, that's a total waste of perfectly good tents. Second, in a city with as many hot women as NYC (and hot men and gays), millions of guys pitch tents all over the city every single day. Third, you are letting the momentum you had built up slip away.

This is not a time to lash out like a bunch of toddlers. It is a time to build on the impressive momentum of what has been started. It's time to be smart and kick some ass, not pitch a hissy fit. It's time to switch tactics. Round One is over, and I'm calling it for the Occupiers. We made our stand. Yay us. But this is a 15-round fight, and if you rest on your laurels now or go into the second round with flat feet and lazy hands, you will get knocked out in the second.

So what's Round Two gonna look like? I don't know. I hope it looks like this:

1. Lots of creative, peaceful, joyful direct actions aimed at the right targets. Let's occupy some crooked CEO's compound. That will get some press directed in the right way. Let's occupy the fucking sacred halls of Congress. Which is a nice segue...
2. Get busy in the realm of politics. Even the slack-jawed Tea Partiers were smart enough to get Grover Norquist's halfwit minions elected. They have done serious damage. Yeah, yeah, I know -- all politicians are corrupt, self-absorbed assholes and we don't want to stoop to their level. But the reality is that these people have power. They have the power to tax the fuck out of the 1 percent. They have the power to get sleazy defense contractors' mitts off your cash. They have power. You don't defeat power by ignoring it. So let's run some crazy-ass revolutionary candidates and see where that goes, and let's put serious pressure on the pigs who are currently in there.
3. Create, live, connect. Get the fuck off my stupid blog and off your stupid Fakebook. Go forth in the real world and build things together. Write songs. Make art. Start companies and cooperatives. Exhort! Don't let this fabulous vibe of cooperation be lost. Don't lose the connections you made while camping out in public squares.
4. Keep pushing forward. So they kicked you out of the park. Big deal. Now you occupy their offices. You occupy their neighborhoods. You occupy their minds and the minds of their children. You occupy the collective imagination of the American people and the people of the world. There is still plenty of stuff to occupy.
5. In a word: activate. That's how we need to be to keep this thing going and win the fight -- active.

Remember that the best case scenario for the one percent and the 99 percent alike is that we put these bastards on the mat in the second round. This is so much bigger than any one of us. We have to be prepared to go the distance, to rock on for the full 15 rounds, but that won't be pleasant. It will be necessary if these dumb fuckers don't see what any kindergartner of average intelligence can see: That it's a good idea to share. It will be necessary, but it won't necessarily be fun. Don't kid yourself about that.

So get out there and fight Round Two like your life depends on it! It very well might. Make every punch count, be light on your feet, and make good use of your tent.

Ding! Ding!