Mickey Mouse Makes Ass of Self in Debate

Mickey Mouse now runs presidential debates. (ABC News is a wholly owned subsidiary of Disney in case you didn't know.) Is that funny or sad?

Mickey pretty much delivered exactly what you expect from him: shallow, mindless propaganda that takes you away from the real troubles of life. Mickey squandered almost a full hour of the debate time on "issues" so utterly irrelevant and transparent that you had to wonder if Dopey himself weren't writing the questions, or maybe some combination of Dopey and Grumpy. Your lapel pin matters? WTF? Did I die and go to North Korea? You sat on a board with a guy who did something stupid (albeit in the name of righteous social transformation) 40 years ago?

(MICKEY VOICE)Golly, that's far worse than looting the Treasury to the tune of a couple trillion in a war that needn't have been! Now let's sing a song, kids!(/MICKEY VOICE)

(If we were going to ask about shady dealings with shady people, just out of curiosity, has anybody in the mainstream media bothered to ask Hillary about Peter Paul and the video that he released that shows her committing, like, five felonies?) Well, what do you expect from Mickey.

By the time Mickey got to real issues, he had dumbed them down so far that your five-year-old could understand. "Will you raise taxes?" (Taxes, you see, are bad, Jimmy, like Cinderella's stepmother...)

Obama's answer rocked, as usual: We're going to have to raise taxes somewhere. We can't continue to take loans from the Bank of China. Those who have the dough (and there aren't very many of them these days) are going to have to cough some of it up to fix this mess. Plus, it's just plain wrong that a gazillionaire only pays 15 percent on a quick gain of a million bucks while his secretary pays 28 percent of her hard-earned $60,000 annual salary. I could go into how Obama's position on Social Security (raising the cap -- it's absurd that those making millions pay into SS on only the first $97,000 of income and repugnant to even consider the notion that we should cut benefits or raise the retirement age so that this patent inequity may continue) is the only workable solution, but I won't bore you with that; Mickey is just so much more fun.

The debate was a damn shame for Mickey. The saddest part of it is that he probably has no idea of just how bad he looks after this spectacle; poor Mickey looks like some pathetic eighth grade jock who tried to pick on some skinny egghead, only to have the egghead make him look foolish. As usual, the bully hasn't the faintest suspicion that the joke's on him, which makes the joke all the funnier.

So it was entertaining in a way. But if we really want to take the debates seriously, as seems appropriate considering that we're electing the person who will have their finger on the nuclear trigger for the next four years, they should be moderated by academics or real journalists from PBS or print media. George Suckacockin'est is a blow-dried anus, and Charlie Gibbonsmonkey is just such an embarrassment to himself and his profession that Mickey would do well to simply offer him, like, $100 million to retire; they'd be getting a lot more for their money by keeping the dipshit off the air than they're getting for it with him on the air. You really have to wonder if these guys realize how stupid they look; it almost makes you feel sorry for them until you realize that they were the ones trying to play us for fools.

Fortunately, Obama came out of this smelling like a rose and looking like a champ. Based on the response I saw in the real world and on the Internet today, only the troglodytes were fooled, and they're on their way to irrelevance.

As for Mickey, well, he made a total ass of himself last night. He would have made an ass of our great nation, but fortunately we'll be smart enough to elect Obama -- absolutely, positively the best candidate -- despite Mickey's best efforts to portray him otherwise.