Secrets of Success: Embrace your inner a55hole

Everybody's got an a55hole in 'em. We human beings must simply accept this fact. Jung called it the Shadow. It's that part of you where all your psychic doo-doo ends up, all your insecurities, the stuff about yourself that scares you.

Ignore it at your own peril.

What I have learned recently is that one key to success and happiness is to embrace the a-hole. Do not fear it. Recognize it. Let it do its thing when it needs to. As a very wise person recently said to me, "Dude, don't be afraid to be an asshole."

That doesn't mean that you have to be a jerk all the time, but, let's face it, sometimes you just gotta tell somebody to shut the f*ck up and don't f*ck with me or I WILL f*ck your f*cking sh*t straight the f*ck up. You don't have to say it in those words. You can be utterly passive about it, in fact. Sometimes the most disrespectful and nasty thing you can say to someone is, "What's on TV?" It varies according to the situation and persons involved.

Letting your shit sit there in your constricted a55hole is not a good thing.

You know what happens when that happens on a collective scale? Nazi Germany. Seriously, what if one prominent among the German people had opened up a frank dialogue with Jews saying, "You know what, guys? We kind of resent the way you keep to yourselves. We're more than a little jealous of your success. Sometimes it just seems like you're gaming us. I don't know... just thought we'd throw that out there and see what you thought about it."

And the Jews might have said, "We keep to ourselves because it seems like everybody hates us and you scare us a little, to be perfectly honest. Here, try this hard roll. We call it a bagel."

Don't you think things might have gone in a more positive direction than they ended up going?

The shit's gonna' come out one way or the other. Why not let it out when it wants to come out instead of saving it up until it's a big, hard, painful clump?

Use your a55hole. When your a55hole is saying, "Yo, I got some shit up in here and I wanna let it out," listen and heed. (Find a toilet first.)

The point is, you make yourself weak and toxic if you refuse to be a jerk when the situation calls for it. If somebody offends you or doesn't "get" you, fuck 'em. Offend them right back. Make them "get" you. You'll gain mad respect and love. You'll be an Unstoppable Force. Sure, you can be a doormat and most people will think you're a nice person; that and a couple bucks will get you roll of toilet paper. Some people will still think you're an a55hole, though, so screw Mr. Nice Guy. Guy's an a55hole.

Again, you don't have to be a jerk all the time. You seldom have to be a jerk, but when somebody takes a dump on you, they asked for it. If people don't give a shit about your feelings, why the f*ck would you give a shit about theirs? I'm cool with everybody until they throw down. In that case, you'd better be ready for what's coming back just as sure as the sun will rise.

I'm not afraid of my dark side. I'm not afraid to f*ck a n*gga punk up if necessary. I'm not afraid to take what's mine. If you got a problem with that, f*ck you.

I love my inner a55hole. In the end, it makes me a more powerful ally of All That Is Righteous.